Get me through this new disaster.
Where have I been these past years,
Holding together my life wrought with tears?

Looking at the faded ink,
Scraps of paper make me think,
How have I changed, how have I grown,
Have all my hearteaches really shown?

Loving truely, hugging fate,
But how long am I supposed to wait?
I've treid to stay so damn strong,
But my mind has led me wrong.

And now to translate all of this,
All the pain, all the bliss.
No more lies, no more walls,
Perpare for batltle, destiny calls.

What would you do if I sang out of tiune? Would syou stand up and walk oput on me?
so I cant type very weill right now for whatever reason so I am jsut going with it. Recently found outa bout my enw roommate for next year,a nd she seem sreaaly cool. I mean, it is impossibleto know someone just by talking to them on the phone twice, thrice, however many times..but i still think we will be aboe to get along just fine...
i dont know much about what is going to happen nezt year but I hope it will be fabulous. Cant friggin spell. I wish I wish I was a fish. What os that from"???
Really been just stressed about George. I wish he couold just getg better, like, noww.
My thought procces is somehow disablede right now. WTF?
Am I a bad person for wishing my roommate wasn't black?
No. I just want normalcy in my life and .. and... .... .. I have no excuse. Whatev
I have nothing to saay. I am lost in translation with my self
fuck this post. -jk

So I lied.. lol. Though nothing is really happening in my life, I still think it is a cute idea to update this. Why? Because I don't keep a journal and it is nice to be able to look back at snippets of my life and wonder what motivated me. I see some posts where I don't understand what was going on at all, and then sometimes it just throws me back into a happier, easier life, or maybe even reminds me of past troubles and inspires me to get over current ones.
So fuck not posting because it is silly.
I like silly. Silly is good.
Just got my new laptop. Love it to bits because it is sexy. Also fixed Charlie the iPod. That was first but whatever. So now that Charlie has a new screen I am generally estatic everytime I turn him on. Haaha. So the laptop hasn't really gained its name yet, so is still an it. This is the most senseless system ever, but whatever.
See, silly. But still worth the time right before work where I watch Futurama or Flapjack or some other senselss show that makes me giggle before going to waste as much time as possible at work. Because I am being paid minimum wage. And a requriement of such a job is to waste as much time as possible while on the clock. Fuck you 'man.'  -jk
Also think I'm gonna buy the Sims 3, more on that later.
But probably not. -jk

You.     -jk

My goodness has it been a while. Yes, yes, self, it has. Um, don't know what to say. I think my main issue is I never know where to start. My classes, generally suck, but occasionally are entertaining. But why? I ask myself what I don't need to ask myself. Or do I? Well, I never get anything real accomplished anymore. I spend all day at school and have done nothing to better myself or the world. Until I do, but even then, I really am just kidding myself. My own assessment of my self-worth has dropped. I feel like I spend miles of time doing centimetres of work. What the fuck? How is this even possible? I don't know, but work isn't any better because I haven't gotten real hours or real money in what seems like ages. I joke about it but am worried. I need money. I am human, I am a senior, I am going to college next year, every weekend I buy my own food at least one day--all day, and I need money. I am not getting any time at work and I am worried. Today I emptied my wallet into my gas tank and am getting next to nothing in my next paycheck. Something is wrong with the picture of my life and it is not just this. It is something bigger, something less noticeable. Something, not completely in view. My composition has become askew and I don't know how to straighten it because I can't exactly point out the problem. The only way I can explain what I am feeling currently is through a dumb art metaphor that I don't even get. Shit. -JK

Posting. Because I am bored, and because I am not doing anything until midnight. Or eight-thirty. Whatever. I don't know what to say anymore. I am not who I have been or .. something. I have grown up and no longer know what to write about in an online journal. I wonder what my future self will think when she gets nostalgic (like I commonly do) and reads this. Or the previous entries. I am not as whiny and bitchy as it probably seems. I actually probably never seriously whine. About anything. But what else is there? Going to Twilight tonight at midnight, which will probably disapoint, but whatever. Hmmm.... Speech? Is wonderful. I have booked every Saturday until God knows when to perform for complete strangers. A beautiful story. If only I could get my poetry shit together. Because Carrington isn't going to write with me and I don't want to write on my own. I have sacrificed my house and 3 ish hours of possible wage-earning next Wednesday for a Speechy-Movie-Night. Which will be fun. Possibly. Just kidding. All the important people I care about are going to be there as far as I know. Whats-his-face might even come. Well, anyways. Senior Year is going as well as can be expected. I have applied to college and have semi-scheduled my next semester. All I have to do is wait. Make some money, have some fun, and wait for something new to happen.
-JK

It has been maybe 6 days since I have been free of EMHS and I am not having fun. I should be having fun. Somebody save me. There are some perks though. I can basically rule my own sleeping schedule, therefore chill with people in different time zones. I can go to bed when I am tired instead of when I need to in order to wake up in the morning. Though this will change. I am babysitting for the kid again this summer. It's money and boredom. Two of my favorite things. SAT's this SATurday. Haven't studied. Hahaha. About that.. No, not about that. My cellphone's battery is dying a lot recently, I think I will take it to Verizon or something. I plan to go to a movie once a week this summer. No one will stop me. I finished the Host. It was good. I bought and started reading Alice in Wonderland yesterday. I had to cheer myself up after going to commencement for the second year in a row. I am now flat out broke with half a week (measured in school weeks) of gas. But I am going to a movie tomorrow with my dad. Haha. I have a feeling that no more than two of the previous sentences (counting strictly sequentially) had anything to do with eachother. Go me!

And I have no idea where to begin. Let us just say that Friday was the longest, most satisfying, most caffiene saturated 24 hours of my life to date. From 5am to 3am, an ideal day.

I just don't know what to do with myself.

So I am blogging from Minneapolis now. For a week, though I doubt I will update again before we go home. Hmm... am on Spring Break. It snowed today. Hah. No snow on the ground or anything but I thought it was funny. Spent some quality time in Chi Town yesterday. That was nice. 'Cept for the fact that I walk about twice as fast as my G-ma and pa. Whatever. I had fun. Ish.
Getting shin splints, which just enforces the fact that I am completely out of shape. We really didn't walk that much, but enough to get me hurting and bitchy by the end of the day. Using an iMac currently. It is nice I guess... the keyboard is really quiet. Not all clack clack clackity like the one at home.
Reading Fargo Rock City now. Started it on the train to Chicago. Got some done on the train to here, but I was more spacing out than anything. My iPod gave out with five hours of train-ing to do. That sucked majorly.
It is pretty here. Tomorrow we are going to the Mall of America and I think I will get some real pictures taken. I have been almost completely uninspired as of yet, though I almost took a picture of an incredibly well put together guy at Borders. You know one of those guys that looks like he doesn't care, but he obviously has put together that semblance of not caring. That would have been awkward. 'Hey, can I take your picture? You are pretty much gorgeous. Now act natural.'
Done for now. -jk

School is really sucking it up lately. Red days are killer beyond neccisarity. I am completely lost in physics. English, is, well, english. Foster's class is fun but because of everything else I am not even kind of motivated to do her assignments anymore. Calc is getting hard, where it never was before. Everything is slowly seeming to not be worth it. Photo is warming up, slowly. Success, speech, taylor, wtf. I sucked it up last weekend at Plymouth and I dunno what to do anymore, I am completely unmotivated to work more on my piece, but I really need to. Choir is getting more and more un-enjoyable, I have no idea if I even want to do it next year. It used to be fun. Now, not so much. I am really just complaining in this, and blame no one for reading no further. Varga. God. What happened today? I got yelled at for a computer mistake. She couldn't care less that we skipped, but wants it to show up. Spiraling down to the fact that I am taking pills like candy to not be insanely uncomfortable through the day. I hate being sick. I think that is it for today. -jk

Nothing special. I am semi excited for photo, but I know it is going to be extremely boring. Anything has to be better than psych though so whatever. I have a feeling gold days are still going to be a huge joke. Nothing really to say. Life has been coasting along pretty averagely. I can't spell today. Need to start doing French lessons. Need to figure out how to eat at school. Bored out of my mind even more now that monotony is forced upon me. But I definitely missed school. There are some pretty cool people there. Weather is crazy. It is supposed to be 62 tomorrow and 20 something by Wednesday and the rest of the week. Hopefully more snow. Going to Swiss wold be nice. I really have nothing to say. -jk

All the boys are out of school. Constantly going to be at my house as well it seems. FInals looming. I got some english stuff done but ugh... it is going to suck a lot on wednesday when I have to finish that. It should help my grade up if I do good on it. History is not going to be incredibly fun. I need to finish the study guide term sheet thingy. That will help probably make the test okay. Pre Calc.. .nothing I can do about it. I will get what I get and it will probably be a B. Whatever. I have a decent grade in that class. I have a feeling I am going to fail my psych final and there is also nothing I can do about that. Choir... lol. The concert is unnecessarily stressing me out, only because it is taking away from 'study time.' Generally it is just making me lose sleep. Latin will most likely be a joke but also may be an extreme bitch. Either way I'm gonna get an A in the class. I really need to get my physics project started because I have done absolutely nothing so far. I don't think I need to worry about my physics final that much. I did really good on that test. Ugh. I am stress-sick. I have had a constantly yucky throat for ages. Ages being since teachers started talking about finals and me realizing that I may not pass some much needed classes. And the fact that my GPA is about to go to shit. This really makes no sense. The last few years, well... yeah. But I had pretty kick ass grades. And now I am perfectly fucking fine. Minus caffeine I am perfectly fucking normal. But I am pretty fucked in the school department. Anyone care to explain that shit to me? Now I am unnecessarily cursing. I have been doing that a ton recently. Result of frazzled-ness. I can't think straight. Everything from the semester has jumbled into a huge tangle of numbers, words, and equals signs. I can't talk. I am getting increasingly intolerant. What. The. Fuck? -jk

I am writing this because I am really bored and don't really feel like going upstairs to do my hw. That I have a shit-ton of. I want to go Christmas shopping, but... 1) low on $$ 2) don't know who to get stuff for 3) don't know what to get them. Like I know what I am getting Carrington now, and I know I need to get my mom something, and I should probably get my dad and brother something, though I usually don't really get them anything. Maybe me and my mom will get something for Krista and Joe, but it will be more like my mom gets something that I helped pick out and I write both of our names on it. Then there are all the EMHS-ers that I don't really know that well, but they still are technically my friends, but I don't really want to spend money on them and will feel guilty the second they spend money on me. Like you said today. My definition of friendship is a lot more serious than most people's. But that is more a personality thing. I don't really trust people enough to let them close to me. I have what other people would call friends and I have Carrington.
Yes, I did have fun doing effects on this. I had more, but it looked stupid.
I really hope I am not the only one that completely forgets what they were about to type and feels awkward just staring at their computer and feeling really stupid because they can't remember a valid point that was in their head two second ago.
Yes, that really did just happen to me.
Ugh.
Yes, I just typed 'ugh' on its own line.
I almost wrote 'it's' in the above sentence.
Yes, I am enjoying the 'yes' lines every other line.
Done now. -jk

that Carrington should update. We got zero homework today. -jk 

It is absolutely beautiful outside. Snow. Most amazing thing ever. Thanksgiving was fun. -jk

that in the hour and a half between when I found out that I lost my Jack of Spades and now, I have felt more emotion than in any other given moment, in my life, that I can recall? -jk

I don't know if it was better, there were some amazingly better parts and a few differently oops! parts. Once again, nothing big enough to notice unless you really know the play. It was generally better because of the fact that I commandeered a seat in the front row. Not really. I just really felt like saying that. But I did sit in the front row. Just didn't steal the seat, not even kind of. Sat with Nick's mom, brother, and girlfriend. I was welcomed by Nick's mom to sit down next to her, and then Laila was over excited to see me, we never really get to talk. It seems as if it is as bad as I thought it must be, being the girlfriend of Romeo. The scene where Nick and Becca are in bed... priceless. Lets just say Laila was not entertained. Corey, I don't think I mentioned this before, makes an amazing drunk as Lord Capulet. Tanner steals almost every scene up to his death. The huge fight scene was right before intermission, giving ample time to clean up (Marcus dies in the water, splashing half the stage) and making the second half shorter than the first. The second half is no laughs (though people still do) and if I was slightly more sensitive, I would have cried. Afterwards, there were many more hugs than night one, and much better conversation. The after shock hadn't seemed to have hit. Nearly everyone was ecstatic for the great night. Talked to Alyssa, Joceline, Jesse, and Corey mostly. Everyone was great, definitetly worth going both nights. -jk